The Pig Ate the Ring

On Handfasting Day every couple in the valley who means it gets married on the Dry Quay, one after another, under the old harbour arch. Bryony Hatch and Josse Lark are seventh, at noon.

By tradition the family’s best animal carries the ring on a ribbon. The Hatches’ best animal is Clementine, six hundred pounds of prize sow, and at eight o’clock this morning she ate the ribbon, and the ring on it.

Clementine is now penned for the Spring Pig Show on the other side of the quay. Once a pig is penned, it stays penned until the judge has seen it at eleven. The Steward has never once bent that rule, and he has a great many geese.

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🪿 WHAT THE PARTY DOES ALL MORNING

Case the pens. Find out why the pig in Clementine’s pen has tusks. Pick a way in: the Steward’s tea break, a forged grooming slip, an old drain under the far pen, or simply telling the truth. Get six hundred pounds of very pleased sow out, past a gander the size of a dog, walk her in a circle with a bucket of prunes, and get her back before the judge.

There is one fight, with geese, and nobody has to kill a goose to win it.

🎲 A 44-page comedy heist one-shot for D&D 5e — 3-4 hours, 4 players, level 2.

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📦 WHAT YOU GET

▪ 5 scenes, every one written out in full: read-aloud text, what happens if they fail, what to do if they skip it

▪ 2 painted battle maps in three versions each — DM, player, and a copy with no grid. 70 px per 5-foot square, so it drops straight into Roll20 or Foundry already aligned

▪ 4 ready-to-play 2nd-level characters, finished. They are optional: notes for running it with your own party are included

▪ 2 original creatures with full stat blocks, and a mercy line for every fight

▪ 3 printable handouts, 3 roll tables, 11 secrets and clues at three different costs

▪ 5 people with portraits, each with a voice, a want and a secret

▪ Written help for when the party goes sideways, and a section for your first time running a game

▪ 7 paintings of the adventure to show your players

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😂 THIS IS FOR YOU IF

▪ You want a funny dnd one shot where the joke is the premise and the plan still matters

▪ Your table likes a heist: case it, plan it, watch the plan meet reality

▪ You want a light, low-combat session for a new group or a family table

▪ You want a real choice at the end: one that nobody at the table will agree on

▪ You are new to running games and want the read-aloud text already written

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🗓️ SET IN LOWMERE

The valley of The Lowmere Year. This adventure stands completely alone and needs nothing from any other.

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📄 THE FILES

▪ A4 — 44 pages, colour and printer-friendly

▪ US Letter — 47 pages, colour and printer-friendly

▪ 6 map images (2 maps × DM, player, no grid)

▪ 7 paintings

▪ 2 table-scale battle map PDFs, A4 and US Letter

🗺️ The battle maps also print at table scale: two extra PDFs lay every map out at one inch per five-foot square across numbered sheets with a cut line. Print them at home, tape them together and put miniatures on them.

Five downloads: the adventure in one zip (both paper sizes, colour and printer-friendly), the map images, the paintings, and the two table-scale map PDFs.

The printer-friendly build is the same book in pure white, nothing removed.

⬇️ Instant digital download. Nothing is posted to you.

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📜 THE SMALL PRINT

Compatible with Fifth Edition.

Made with AI assistance: the text, maps and paintings of this adventure were written and generated with AI, then edited, checked and laid out by hand.

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🕯️ ONE GOOD EVENING

Games for a table, and for a chair by the fire.